Tired of being a parent - Is it normal to feel like this?
Parenting is easily one of the most difficult jobs in the world and rather than getting easier, some would say that is getting harder thanks to social media. So, if you are asking yourself “is it normal to not want to be a parent anymore?” then you are not alone.
At Parentlist we understand the burden of parenting alongside the joy. The mental load of parenting is exhausting, along with the expectations of others and what we see on social media. Add to that a lack of time and the current economic situation, self-care and caring for your wellbeing can often seem impossible. It’s no wonder many parents run themselves to the point of burnout.
Recent research into parental burnout in mother’s from Belgium states that the pressure to be a perfect parent without “the village” can bring overwhelming amounts of stress onto mothers.
What is Parental Burnout?
As a parent you are on a journey to grow a small person into an adult. There are days of joy and delight, but we know there are days of frustration and anger and boredom. The day-to-day activities of small children can be very dull especially when you add in all the other jobs you have to do as an adult, food shop anyone?
If your child is in school or nursery then the endless drop-offs and pick-ups, admin from the office, and the illnesses can start to feel very draining.
Burnout normally comes after a feeling of stress for a prolonged time. If you are feeling overwhelmed by day-to-day tasks, don’t feel you have the time to look after your own basic needs (getting a drink and drinking it), or that the pressure to be a good parent feels too much, you might have parental burnout.
Spotting the signs of parental burnout
According to Action for Children the signs of parental burnout include:
Feeling like you need distance from your children
Bored of being a parent
Physical and mental exhaustion
Having a short temper and being irritated by small things
Disrupted sleep patterns
Anxious feelings
Not enjoying the things you normally enjoy
No motivation or everyday tasks
Headaches, joint and muscle pain
Finding decision-making or taking action harder than normal. Experiencing a brain fog.
If you are experiencing some of these symptoms, then know you are not alone and that there are things you can do.
How to recover from parental burnout
When people talk about self-care it feels like it should be spa days, manicures, facemasks, and time away from the children. Whilst all those things are lovely and are self-care, that notion can put pressure on you that you can’t do those things.
Self care shouldn’t be a treat. It should be small everyday things that help you replenish your cup. Anna Mathur is a psychotherapist and author specialising in supporting mothers in motherhood. One of her Instagram videos talked about how you dry yourself after a shower. Doing this action slowly and more considered helps calm your mood and make you feel better. She highlights this by saying would you clean your house at a million miles an hour? Well, no because you would break things, so why treat yourself this way? Small actions like stopping for 5 seconds to take some deep breaths, or taking a walk outside, listening to your favourite song, these all make a difference and can help lift your mood so you feel like you can continue.
As the research stated, the lack of support for mothers is a huge part of burnout. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, family, or friendly neighbours. You will be surprised who will sit with your children whilst you have a shower, or who will make you a cup of tea and make sure you get to drink it. We weren’t meant to do this alone, try and find your tribe and reach out to them when you need to. Even if it’s a quick WhatsApp to your mum’s group to say you are struggling, support will come.
However, there are times when only professional support will help.
Seeking help: What is available?
If you are reading this and feeling utterly helpless then you should speak to your GP. The NHS Every Mind Matters resources are a great place to start if you need some ideas on how to tackle stress with practical tips.
Action for Children has a one-to-one chat service available where one of their parenting coaches will get back to you.
The Samaritans are always on hand to help. You can call them free 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
Download our free guide: 10 tips to overcome parental burnout.
Look at our wellness and self-care checklists and videos. It’s free to register for Parentlist.
Written and researched by Victoria Cobley
Victoria is a freelance journalist and content creator with two children aged 5 and 2.