The different parenting styles: What they are and how they impact your child

Why are parenting styles important? 

Your parenting style is your choice, and you may not fit into one style but blend a number of different styles together to suit you.

Where they help us, is to understand our style of parenting better and the impact it may have on our children. Understanding the different parenting styles also helps us understand and recognise those of other parents so we can be more empathetic. 

At Parent List, we welcome all parenting styles without judgement or discrimination. We provide a safe space where you can learn from each other and choose what information you use to support your day to day parenting, whatever category it fits into.

How can you determine which parenting style is best for your family and children?

You might naturally recognise your parenting style in the descriptions below. But if you don’t, then you’ll find your own way guided by your own beliefs, values and experiences. If your current style isn’t working for you or your family and you feel like you need to improve or change your approach, you might find some inspiration (or clarity around what you don’t want to do) below. 

If you do try to adopt a new style, be consistent to make sure you give it enough time and energy to see if it’s a better fit for you and your family. 

What happens when two parents with different parenting styles come together in a relationship?

It’s quite normal for two parents to have different styles of parenting. As with many aspects of maintaining a healthy relationship, practising patience, acceptance and making sure communication is effective is really important to make it work.

Talk about how you want to parent your children and any differences between the two approaches you have noticed. Be clear on your boundaries and try to listen and understand the other point of view - ask questions about why they prefer that style, why it is important to them and what factors or experiences have influenced this. 

Where different parenting styles can become a problem is where anger, resentment and a whole host of negative feelings kick in for one or both of you. As parents, you’re probably used to the odd dig about each other’s style or things they do, but if these digs become hostile, or worse, attacking in nature, then it might be time to get some external help and support. 

What matters most is that you align on what you want for your children. If you share the same goals, you are more likely to be accepting of each other’s approach to getting there. 

The main parenting styles

There are four commonly referenced parenting styles, defined in the 1960s by Diana Baumrind and developed in 1983 by Maccoby and Martin.

• Authoritarian parenting

• Authoritative parenting

• Permissive (or Indulgent) parenting

• Uninvolved or Neglectful parenting

Let’s take a look at each of these parenting styles separately, and give you an idea of what they entail.

Authoritarian parenting style

This parenting style is characterised by strict rules, high expectations, and little warmth or affection. Parents who use this approach often believe that they know best and should have complete control over their children. 

Common traits of authoritarian parenting style include:

• Placing very high expectations on your child

• Frequently using punishment to enforce rules

• Allowing little room for negotiation or discussion

• Shouting or yelling 

• Shaming instead of positive reinforcement or reassurance

• Emphasis on discipline and obedience. 

The effects of this style on your children can include: 

• Feeling anxious

• Feeling resentful and unvalued

• Low self-esteem and confidence in social situations 

• Inability to accept failure 

• Development of violent behaviour.

Helicopter parenting style

Helicopter parenting is a variation of authoritarian parenting styles. Helicopter parents tend to be overly involved in their child’s life and often hover over them to make sure they are safe. They have a strong desire to control all outcomes of the child’s life. 

Authoritative parenting style

This parenting style is the polar opposite of authoritarian parenting. It is characterised by being warm and nurturing, while still having high expectations for their children.

Common traits of authoritative parenting style include:

• A loving and nurturing style

• Allow room for discussion and negotiation

• Believe children should be able to think for themselves

• Believe children can make their own decisions 

• Place expectations on children’s behaviour 

• Enforce discipline where it is fair and reasonable to do so. 

The effects of this style on your children can include: 

• Growing up more confident and happy

• Can think independently

• Are self-reliant 

• Develop good social skills. 

Snow-plough and Free-range parenting styles

These are variations of authoritative parenting. 

• Snow-plough parents will do anything to clear a path for their children, such as taking on all the responsibilities of running the household so that they can focus on schoolwork or extracurricular activities. They will try to solve problems for them rather than give them the opportunity to find a solution themselves. 

• Free-range parents give their children a lot of freedom and independence, trusting them to make good decisions on their own. They are different to neglectful parents in that they are very loving, caring and nurturing toward their children. 

Permissive (or Indulgent) parenting style

In this parenting style, the parent is very warm and nurturing but has few rules or expectations for their child’s behaviour. 

Common traits of permissive or indulgent parenting style include:

• The belief that children should make their own decisions 

• Very responsive to the emotional needs of a child 

• Put few, or no, boundaries in place

• Use toys or food as bribes to get their children to behave

• Dislike control and authority over their children.

The effects of this style on your children can include: 

• Lack self-control or ability to control their behaviour

• Lack of responsibility for their own actions

• Lack of respect for authority figures.

• Poor social skills. 

Uninvolved (or neglectful) parenting style

This parenting style is characterised by low levels of warmth or support from the parent. 

Common traits of uninvolved (or neglectful) parenting style include:

• Have few rules or expectations for the child’s behaviour

• Are not responsive to the child’s needs or emotions 

• Have little to no involvement in their child’s life.

The effects of this style on your children can include: 

• Feeling neglected and unsupported

• May have difficulty forming attachments later in life 

• Feel anxious or stressed

• Feel isolated due to lack of support emotionally, mentally and practically.

Which parenting style is best? 

Baumrind determined authoritative parenting as the preferred parenting style due to the more positive impact on the child. However, we’ve come a long way since the 1960s and 1970s and due to the societal, economic and cultural factors relating to parenting styles some think there is an opportunity to update this thinking further. 

In today’s world, we believe that there’s no ‘best’ way to be a parent, only to be the best version of yourself. Different parenting styles work for different families and children. There are some parenting styles that are more commonly used than others and which one is the best depends on your family and what works best for you and your values. 

So, what is your parenting style? 

Do you feel like you are an authoritative parent? A permissive one? Somewhere in the middle? No matter how you choose to parent, we want to provide you with information and resources that will help you become the best Mum or Dad you can be. There’s something for everyone on our platform, and it’s down to you what you choose to read, act upon or ignore.