What to expect when you’re expecting?

We always seek advice from the outside and in some cases practical solutions can be very much welcomed. Unsolicited advice, not so much. However the biggest challenge for parents from my perspective is an emotional one. Especially if you are a first-time parent.

You do get warned. Those warnings may go over your head. I got stopped by a random woman in Canary Wharf when I was pottering around very heavily pregnant with my first child. She pulled me to one side and said “the first 8 weeks are hell but it will get better…I wish someone had told me this” . I tried to envisage hell and how this would feel… I couldn’t do it, looking back my hell was still sunshine and rainbows. Her words did leave their mark and I tried to pretend everything was ok when it wasn’t.

What is actually happening?

You may have worked super hard in your time. Experienced late nights. Worked in extreme conditions and even thought you knew what it means to be tired. To comprehend you need to see that your ego is undergoing a paradigm shift. Everything it knows is no longer in existence. It is trying to adapt from a place of lack.

The ego fundamentally hates change and the emotions come at you in overdrive as it navigates through this situation. The main cause for this emotional response isn’t because looking after your child is hard. Our deepest darkest fears begin to surface from our subconscious and conscious memories. The emotions that arise - some you may have supressed, others you didn’t know you had. Either way, it is coming at you with all cylinders firing.

Emotions that parents may experience is guilt, helplessness, overwhelm, tiredness, and anxiety just - to name a few. Our emotions are run on our belief systems expressing our deepest fears - not being good enough and paranoia all start marching in. The intensity of love felt along with a cataclysm of negative ones leaves you feeling exhausted and confused. How can something you love so much can also make you feel so bad all at the same time.

What can I do?

You have all the answers within you where your knowing exists. The part of you that has been here before and experienced life before. The wisdom is there, the love in its purest form. But through the chaos its voice is quiet, ignored or just not heard. Even when your instincts kick in your logical side (ego) takes over, you listen to others even when it doesn’t feel right.

How can I hear and connect to this voice?

The only way to listen is to quieten your mind. To let go of your emotions that cause you stress, that hold you back. Connect to that voice so you know that you are enough and you have everything that you need. It is ok not to feel this, but trust that it is so - even when you can’t see it or feel it, it is there. Having faith connecting to that side of you will open yourself up to new possibilities within yourself causing a ripple affect outside of you. Remember your family will feel your vibration whether you are aware of them or not. So choose the light within you even when you feel the dark.

How can I feel good when I feel dark?

Our truth and freedom lies in our dark sides. Rejecting them is rejecting any part of you. Life is a sequence of polarity and as such you must recognise this within yourself. We don’t often realise these sides until they have passed. This is all ok - the main thing is to really own every side of you. Our emotional wellbeing is paramount and should never be ignored. It is a daily practice to find calm in the chaos. It is also a skill so don’t be disheartened if you don’t get what any of this means. It just means you need to keep digging and peeling the layers back.

How can I be a good parent?

What is the definition of good? This is all a matter of perspective. What you need to do is establish within yourself a level of calm, peace and connect to love. When you come from this place you will come from a pure place without reacting in a way that you may regret later. You never need to have all the answers now ,so coming from that place of trusting will allow the answer just to come. Remember you have all the answers just be patient and you will be of service to your offspring from the best possible place.

If you would like to know more about how to keep Emotionally Fit and connect to yourself in a deep way go to www.schoolofchange.co.uk or follow @theemotionalfitnesscoach

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